F*** Ye; I love Kanye though.

I’m so embarrassed to be a Kanye West fan right now. 

Ye, the long-time rap icon, has recently faced a downward spiral of infamy due to negative comments and actions online. Accusations of spreading anti-Semitic messages in new singles and interviews, as well as being caught performing sexual acts in a public lake, have damaged his social standing. Some attribute his behavior to his ongoing struggle with mental health issues, while others characterize Kanye as an ignorant and scornful figure experiencing manic episodes.

I hope you don’t confuse that initial statement with ‘I’m not a Ye fan anymore‘. Kanye West, the artist behind some of the greatest 2000’s and 2010’s albums, is a completely separate entity from Ye, the toxic social media personality of this decade.

I wasn’t the youngest Kanye West fan in the world; in fact, my parents didn’t allow me to listen to much hip-hop until I was 13. My mom made it her mission to shield me from an entire era of music that included young Drake, J. Cole, Kendrick Lamar, and, of course, Kanye West. Instead, I was subjected to gospel music day in and day out. You might be wondering, “Why didn’t you just listen to music on your phone or tablet?” Well, every device I had as a pre-teen came with strict parental controls, which meant I could only access the children’s versions of media apps.

I was a pretty obedient kid. I definitely didn’t sneakily grab an unattended Samsung J7 from the kitchen counter, miraculously remember the password, and then binge on age-restricted videos for 30 minutes while the owner wasn’t around. And even if I had (which I absolutely didn’t), 30 minutes of screen time wouldn’t have been enough to keep up with everything in the music industry.

As a result, I didn’t discover Kanye West’s greatest hits until high school. Maybe I was late to the party, but I became an instant die-hard fan. Night after night, I’d listen to a playlist of “Graduation,” “The Life of Pablo,” “Watch the Throne,” and “Ye” in that order. It was a ritual I swore to maintain until the very fabric of space and time fell apart. Once all 34 songs—or precisely 4 hours, 15 minutes, and 33 seconds of music—had played, I might consider exploring other artists.

Ironically, what I found most appealing in Kanye West’s music was the clear inspiration drawn from the gospel music genre. Kanye was among the pioneers of the rap-gospel genre, often incorporating choir singers into his songs to evoke the same ethereal feeling found in traditional gospel music. For those intrigued by this sound, I recommend listening to the platinum hits “Ultralight Beam” and “Through the Wire” by Kanye West.

Kanye’s music had a unique way of elevating any emotion I experienced. I admired his willingness to experiment, which allowed him to create music that pushed the boundaries of generic rap songs from previous decades. I could always rely on Kanye to deliver consistent, well-thought-out, and positive music ever album.

I would never say this out loud because UNFORTUNATELY, Ye is a dumbass.

I wish there was a way to separate a productive artist from a problematic celebrity.